I'm a Nike girl

I am a 'Nike girl'.  My entire sports clothing has a Nike label - shorts, t-shirts, trousers, trainers - you name it, Nike.  Yeah Nike uses advanced technology in its products, and it's clothing designs meet all sporting requirements.  However, that is not why I buy Nike.  Yes I am a bit of a 'label snob' and wearing Nike does make me look good - well when I am out running and my hair is plastered to my head in a blob and the mascara has dripped down my face and I'm all sweaty (so attractive - NOT!), I need all the help I can get in 'looking good', but this is not the reason I buy Nike.

I buy Nike for the logo, the 'tick'.  I never used to get many 'ticks' at school, usually red crosses - but Nike guarantee a tick everytime, no matter if I am crap at sport or not, or anything else for that matter.  So this girl doesn't look for other brands 'cus she wears the 'tick' that says that she is okay and doing it right;-)

So are you a Nike guy or girl?

Can't sing for toffee

I would do lots for toffee as am seriously addicted to the sugary stuff. Whilst I would 'sing for toffee' as the saying goes, 'I can't sing for toffee!'

Again this is my Mom who fed me such lies as a child;-)told me that 'practice makes perfect'. I've been practising most of each part of the day for 39years with no improvement :).

I've tried to convince myself that I can sing well and have drawn up an impressive list of reasons why I didn't sound good that particular time. It's ironic 'cus I could never think of bloody good reasons for not handing my homework in on time at school - nm - these include - hairbrush defect (well don't you pretend your hairbrush is a microphone), global warming (the atmosphere isn't conducive to my voice) etc. (you are so impressed with these - admit it ;).

So the reality really is that 'practice doesn't make perfect' - so therefore - if at first you don't succeed - throw in the towel, life is too short to keep trying (unless it's a sexy guy you're trying to get a date with;) ).

I think I need to educate my niece on not listening to her Nan (my Mom) before she grows up deluded like me;)

He's my love for ever more;-)

I have an attention span poorer than a flea.  I can't sit still for toffee (oh and I AM a toffee addict ;-) ).  However, sit me in front of the sea and I can sit there all day long, staring into the horizon.  At this point I'd like to be able to tell you something really profound and intellectual such as: 'Within life’s journey we all experience times of storm and calm; these may be emotional experiences, may result from specific combinations of circumstances. These experiences are often beyond our control and so we benefit from learning how to cope at their heights and how to remember their transitory nature'.  The ocean for me is all that emotions embody, the calm and rough but amongst it all I feel at ease, at peace.

Ok ok - well yeah the above is true and I do feel like that - but I am a girl and (here to blame my Mom again - bless her xx).  Along with the fairytales, she sang me endless nursery rhymes.  I remember having one particular nursery rhyme book (and I had many) and was mesmorised by the image of the cute guy that adorned the page (yeah I started the guy fascination thing young;-) ).  Then I learned that: 'he was going to come back from sea and marry me'.  God this was so easy - it stated in black and white that this guy had gone to sea but was going to come back and marry me.  I was going to be his wife - my life planned and sorted:).  As I grew older the image of him (well he didn't float my boat (pardon the pun) and again that's down to my Mom who introduced me to the film, 'An Officer and a Gentleman' - well the white naval uniform - if I was gonna marry a guy that went to see, please let him look like Richard Gere in his whites (and yes I know that he was a naval aviator in the film before you all call me so thick !!!!!!! ).  I guess the image of the guy who was at sea but gonna marry me, dressed in tattered trousers and striped t-shirt didn't set my heart poundind and saying, 'OMG - WOW!'  However, I could imagine that he'd battled with great waves and sharks and other stuff - all for me - WHAT A HERO - who needs bloody Prince Charming? So okay - his name is Bobby - not quite the Chad, Schuyler - you know the romantic (ok - American sounding !!!!!!!)name I was after - and did I really want to be, 'Mrs Shaftoe'? (yeah guys I can imagine the rude jokes;-) ) but hey can I afford to be too picky?

I am lucky enough not to live far from Weymouth, a beautiful English coastal town and whilst we tend not to have 'Summer', on those rare 'summer days', I head to the sea and sit staring at the ocean.  Most think I have a fascination with the waves and boats and stuff, me - well I know that I am waiting for my hero to come and marry me (it was in black and white) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's just numbers...........

I am sure I have 'dyscalcula'.  I've never understood numbers.  Maths has always been a subject that I've tried to understand but failed miserably, pretty much the same has happened with my understanding of guys.  I am not dense by any means and words and spelling always came easy, but numbers they terrify me.  The above drawing is a prime example of what I'd have written in my maths exam (ok partly to take the 'P', partly 'cus I am a literal thinker and partly 'cus that's about as good as my understanding gets).  I mean 'Pi' = okay - I spell it with an (e) ending but isn't that a foodie item that makes girls fat?  Also 'cos' - it's a bloody holiday destination isn't it?  What the hell do they have to do with numbers?

Pythagoras clearly needed to get a life as he spent way too much time on that triangle drawing - clearly he couldn't get a girlfriend - God can you imagine a date with him - choosing movie snacks - you wanting to share his popcorn bucket whilst he was getting turned on by the triangle shaped toblerone bar:(.

Well I have to say that algebra (and yeah this is a maths term and not some African animal) has proved to serve no purpose whatsoever in my life.  I have no idea as to why I sat in maths class.  Actually if I remember rightly - in my last two years of high school, I completed one page in my maths book as sat at the back of the room chatting to two lads (well I am a girl !!!!!!!!!!!).

So maybe I  can't add up but I can do the necessary sums:

1 + 1 = me and you

isn't that all I need to know?

there you go - maybe maths wasn't a total waste of my life - oh my parents must be so proud;-)

How many girls?

'How many girls does it take to change a lightbulb?'  Yeah we've all heard the joke and the punchline being - 'None, why bother?'  ha ha - NOT !!!!!!!  The reality is though (well for me) - I can change a lightbulb and I can change the washers on my taps and thanks to my Dad and Brother, am quite competent at lots of DIY tasks that stereotypically girls can't do.  However, do you think I can take the bloody cover off my smoke alarm? NO!!!




HELP !!!!!!!!! the beeping that my smoke alarm sounds at regular intervals to impatiently draw my attention to the fact it needs a new battery is doing my head in!!

I stood on the step ladders to reach the ceiling, armed with numerous sized batteries.  The wording on the cover read: 'Turn (with an arrow) to remove cover'.  Easy enough - you'd think?  Well - NO!!!!!!!!  I've turned every which way but it still stays stuck to the ceiling as though taunting me with, 'ha ha'. 

I'm trying to remain calm - perhaps I will get used to the beeping (create a ditty tune to it) - why stress? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!  I am heading to ASDA Walmart in a minute, cotton wool for my ears is looking a must.  I hate to admit it but I so need a guy right now (and to my best friend - before you can give a witty response - I don't need him for the reason you think;-) !!!!!!!!!!! ). 

So I've just moaned but have no solution, apart from the cotton wool and surely that's temporary?  At this rate I'm gonna commit murder to my smoke alarm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So how many girls does it take to CHANGE A BATTERY IN A SMOKE ALARM?  None - why bother - if you are all as useless as me - don't even attempt it ;-) !

Once in an ordinary life.........

I used to think that fairytales didn’t happen to girls like me
And everything that those stories represent were purely fantasy
I used to joke that ‘Prince Charming’ was a totally useless guy
And thoughts that I hoped he’d come my way, I’d vehemently deny
I’d blame my Mom for reading me all those stupid tales,
For making me believe that this character was the epitome of all males
My own personal ‘love story’ had long ago worked out this was untrue
‘cus surely Prince Charming would never lie and cheat and leave you black and blue
To be fair I have fallen for some decent guys along the way
But the calibre of a fairytale Prince, their actions did never portray
So I’d resigned myself to the fact that this character did not really exist
And accepted that my own fairy story was just a fairytale with a cruel twist
But then once in an ordinary life, you happened to appear
Just when I thought that everything was going so bad this year
You showed me that ‘Once upon a time’ was the ending of our first begin
And sent an orchestra playing in my head, with my own personal violin
You showed me that love can appear from a rare and unexpected friend
And that our hearts, and minds and souls were that perfect fairytale blend
You made me believe in an instant that dreams really can come true
‘cus I know that I don’t need Prince Charming becaue I've the perfect guy in you
I never really believed in the whole soul mate thing
And never thought my heart again would ever joyously sing
You’ve bought a smile to my face, and filled my heart with laughter
I’m keeping my fingers crossed, but believe you’re my ‘happily ever after’

by me x

Am I human?

This post isn't about whether I am a 'morning person' or not.  For the record I am - I'm the girl that wakes with a bolt, jumps out of bed and goes into hyper mode lol.  Singing at 5a.m. would probably annoy you lol.  No - this post is about the transformation from feeling non-human to human.  WTF? - OK - I will explain.  I have friends that get up, have a wash, throw on their clothes, grab a coffee and out the door.  Me - yeah I wake and am super hyper but I don't feel 'human' unless I've had a morning bath or shower.  Infact, if I don't my whole day is spent in disarray and I just feel scrubby and ratty and yuk!  How do you guys do this?  Apart from anything, my hair looks better washed in a morning and re-styled (well my attempt at styling) lol.  Admittedly most of my friends are no longer single, so technically don't have to worry about whether they look hot or not, but even so, single or in a relationship, I feel scrubby without my morning bath/shower (and preferably a bath).  I used to thing that guys were more prone to the 'get up and go' ethos but actually girlies are also doing this - maybe I am not human?