Lettuce Rejoice ;)

"Lettuce! O Lettuce!
Let us, O let us,
O Lettuce leaves,
O let us leave this tree and eat
Lettuce, O let us. Lettuce leaves!"
Edward Lear, English artist, writer (1812-1888) 'The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple-Popple'

Lettuce - I love it and admit it forms the major part of my daily diet.  I had to put the above quote in my blog 'cus no one seems to 'get' my lettuce fascination, but clearly Mr Lear understood:).  Maybe it takes two literary artists to give such passion into a humble lettuce (okay so I am NOT a literary great) lol!

Beatrix Potter (see another literary great - there has to be a lettuce/writer connection) says that: 'the effect of eating too much lettuce is 'soporific'.  Well there you go - some people say I am always tired 'cus I don't eat enough - the reality is the lettuce is making me sleepy.

This lettuce research (yes I have a sad existence lol) has helped build up ammo to fire at the 'lettuce grumblers' who moan at my daily consumption of the leafy plant.  Well okay the ammo is poor really and hardly going to stop the grumblers - infact just like the lettuce won't stop their tummies grumbling, but it makes me feel good lol.

Well  anyway I have to go 'cos' it's like an 'iceberg' in here - need to turn the heating on - catch ya later x

Abbreviated Nonsense

What is it with abbreviated disorders? Our attention span is short. We’ve all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don’t have the time to pronounce the entire disorder. What's that about?

Then as if that wasn't bad enough - we don't abbreviate appropriately! Take OCD - I have a genuine diagnosis so am not taking the wet but genuine sufferers will get this one - 'OCD' it should be 'CDO' that way the letters are in the right order !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God it so winds me up the wrong way !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It got me thinking about abbreviations in general and how stupid they are, or is it just me that is too 'deep'?  S.O.S (Save Our Souls) - God am I stupid but I want my body saved - I will worry about my soul later - S.O.B. (Save Our Body) is way more appropriate don't you reckon - I mean I would be sobbing if I needed rescuing!

A.A (Alcoholics Anonymous) - how the hell are you anonymous unless you attend the group in disguise - I mean the rest of the group will identify you in the least - A.A. (Alcoholics Arise) - isn't that better?  I mean don't you have to stand up and say, 'My name is.....................and I'm an Alcoholic?  God I need a drink after this rant;).

S.A.S (Special Air Service) - huh - clearly a guy came up with that one - should be SEXY ARMY SOLDIERS) yeah ok so I have a uniform thing - and which girl doesn't?

In reality there are loads more - that is just my short account but they are now starting to bug me.  I reckon I need to re-write all abbreviations.  I did come up with a cool one for my last job title.  I was a P.S.A (I will leave that up to your imaginations';)

Feel free to leave suggestions!

T.T.F.N - L.O.L. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;)

IT'S OVER

As the last day in my current job draws closer (tomorrow) I think back on the past two years...the clients, the courses, the pilot scheme that never ended, the isolation, the stress....and one thought echoes my mind.....

I will miss my work, but not the job.  Choose a job you love and you never have to spend a day at work.  I've been lucky to have held jobs like that but this one sure was NOT like that! In this job I've spent an eternity at work!

We don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way, miserable in the workplace.  Human beings were not meant to work for 15hours a day and get paid for only 7, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements and data.

Work - I aint work shy and am infact a workaholic driven by my perfectionism, but tomorrow I will be celebrating and breathing a final sigh of relief that it's finally over.  I've learned the hard way this year that no job is worth it if it affects your health. 

Don't worry about work - it won't worry about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FAT DAY

I woke up this morning feeling down and consumed with that familiar dread.  My legs felt all squishy and big; nothing fit right; my proportions were totally off…I knew that feeling.  I’d felt it before.  Today was a fat day.

Today every time I look in the mirror, it makes me sick. I can't remember when I haven't hated the way I looked, and it seems to get worse as I get older. Everything about my body shape is wrong. I feel like such a fat cow, and no one can convince me otherwise. All I want to do is look like all the beautiful girls I see out there. 

In reality I am not huge and can fit in clothes for 11year olds but that makes no difference when my mirror plays a battle of wills with me.  'Mirror Mirror on the wall' - I was never much for Snow White - afterall snow aint white - so why should I believe anything THAT fairytale tells me?  I would like to know where she bought her mirror from though as mine is the evil version.  I guess bargains don't always work out;).  If it wasn't for the fact that breaking the mirror would give me 7 years bad luck, and hey up until now my life aint been lucky so I was kinda hoping for good luck now, I'd smash the bloody thing.

I can do the 'bad hair day' thing but not the 'fat day' thing.  I've just read an article which says that being in a relationship can make you fat.  Christ - are girls not supposed to be happy?  Apparently - the theory goes a bit like this:
You’ve been seeing him for a few months now, and everything’s going great. You feel so comfortable with him. But then you notice something that’s not so comfortable – i.e., the waistband of your sexiest jeans.
It’s official! You’re a victim of relationship pudge!
Is this where you then become a huge disappointment to him and you get dumped?  No - I know there are a lot of guys who aren't shallow and I happen to know one of those really well.  The thing is I don't want 'relationship pudge' - it is so pants (Bridget Jones style).

The remedy was to put on loose fitting PJ's and shout loud, 'I'm having a FAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently this is empowering for positive mind and spirit.  Well I am shouting out via my blog and yep I am wearing my PJ's (the irony is they have bloody cupcakes all over them - hardly motivating:( ), but still feel FAT :(.

Oh well - gonna wash the lettuce for tea.  Lettuce see what tomorrow brings;)

An ode to shy guy :)

M and K x

Shy Guy,

You're the thought that starts each morning
the conclusion to my day.
You are in everything I do
and everything I say.
You're the smile on my face
the glint in my eye.
You're the love inside my heart
and the brightness in my life.
You're the hand that locks with mine,
and the arm upon my back.
My love, my confidant, my friend,
the person on which I can always depend.
You're my silly, mature, caring
thoughtful, bright and honest guy.
The one who holds me tightly
when I need to cry.
You're my strength, my courage,
my support and my critique.
The guy that gives me butterflies,
with love that makes me weak.
You are all I've ever wanted.
You are all I need,
You are all I've ever dreamed of
You are all this to me!

It's my party ........................

Tonight is my party - yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!  No it's not my birthday.  I am celebrating a 'new era' of my life.

I've invited my friends (yeah I know that I aint gonna have invited strangers - well actually it's me so I prob would have lol).  Do you think though that hosts of parties are stupid.  I mean surely being a good host means you want your guests to have a good time.  Well if that was the case wouldn't be better to just send each 'guest' a bottle of champagne and a sexy guy/girl depending on their sexual orientation>just a thought;). 

Well I hope my 'guests' turn up tonight in town (weather is so rubbish here :( ). At every type of party there are two types of guests, ones that want to go home and ones that don't.  I aint worried about that - I know how to have fun up town.

I know it will be a great night 'cus

and my friends mean the world to me.  Part of the reason for tonight is to thank them all for all the support they have given me over the past 8months (they know why).

Anyway - I need to go and eat - apparently that way I am less likely to get wasted tonight and my party can't be a wasted event;)

SICK AND TIRED

It isn't enough that I seem to spend my days rushed off my feet and in a constant race against time to complete the list of never ending tasks, which I seem to lose over and over again.  No - 'someone' has decided I have nothing better to do in life and has found me another chore to complete - 'bug catching'.  I've caught a bug:(.  Following on from my last post - the vomiting has ceased and has now been replaced with nausea :(.  I feel so sick, hence being awake at 2a.m.

An old wives tale suggests drinking a potion of ginger cures nausea.  Now I know why they are 'old wives' - what guy would stay married to someone so 'witch like' to come up with such evil potions?  Mind you I reckon drinking that would make me vomit - so maybe the advice aint so bad but then again I'm not about to try it!

Earlier I had the feeling that the toilet disinfectant companies were sponsoring me as vomiting was the main event of my day.  Maybe that's why it is called bloody 'toilet duck'.  I mean they used to call a doctor a 'quack' (get it - duck, quack?).  Okay so that joke is pants lol but I am smiling (yeah I know I am sad to laugh at my own jokes).  Actually quackery is a derogatory term used to describe the promotion of unproven or fraudulent medical practices.  I reckon I've secretly seen a 'quack' and am suffering the after effects of their potions. 


I've gone for the kill or cure method and have made a strong black coffee.  If there is no further post - it killed me!  I start a new job in just over a weeks time.  I reckon I don't need it.  I can be the acting double for the incredible hulk, afterall I look green with nausea at the moment.  Do you reckon chameleons suffer with constant nausea - I mean they turn green frequently - don't they or are they naturally green?  Oh I have no idea lol but it is the middle of the night and I am ill (well that's my excuse for being thick);)

Well I'm not a chameleon and neither am I the hulk - just a girl whose feeling 'sick' and tired of feeling nauseous.  So I'm off to try and sleep it off - I've given up on the coffee - the smell was too much :(.