IT'S OVER

As the last day in my current job draws closer (tomorrow) I think back on the past two years...the clients, the courses, the pilot scheme that never ended, the isolation, the stress....and one thought echoes my mind.....

I will miss my work, but not the job.  Choose a job you love and you never have to spend a day at work.  I've been lucky to have held jobs like that but this one sure was NOT like that! In this job I've spent an eternity at work!

We don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way, miserable in the workplace.  Human beings were not meant to work for 15hours a day and get paid for only 7, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements and data.

Work - I aint work shy and am infact a workaholic driven by my perfectionism, but tomorrow I will be celebrating and breathing a final sigh of relief that it's finally over.  I've learned the hard way this year that no job is worth it if it affects your health. 

Don't worry about work - it won't worry about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FAT DAY

I woke up this morning feeling down and consumed with that familiar dread.  My legs felt all squishy and big; nothing fit right; my proportions were totally off…I knew that feeling.  I’d felt it before.  Today was a fat day.

Today every time I look in the mirror, it makes me sick. I can't remember when I haven't hated the way I looked, and it seems to get worse as I get older. Everything about my body shape is wrong. I feel like such a fat cow, and no one can convince me otherwise. All I want to do is look like all the beautiful girls I see out there. 

In reality I am not huge and can fit in clothes for 11year olds but that makes no difference when my mirror plays a battle of wills with me.  'Mirror Mirror on the wall' - I was never much for Snow White - afterall snow aint white - so why should I believe anything THAT fairytale tells me?  I would like to know where she bought her mirror from though as mine is the evil version.  I guess bargains don't always work out;).  If it wasn't for the fact that breaking the mirror would give me 7 years bad luck, and hey up until now my life aint been lucky so I was kinda hoping for good luck now, I'd smash the bloody thing.

I can do the 'bad hair day' thing but not the 'fat day' thing.  I've just read an article which says that being in a relationship can make you fat.  Christ - are girls not supposed to be happy?  Apparently - the theory goes a bit like this:
You’ve been seeing him for a few months now, and everything’s going great. You feel so comfortable with him. But then you notice something that’s not so comfortable – i.e., the waistband of your sexiest jeans.
It’s official! You’re a victim of relationship pudge!
Is this where you then become a huge disappointment to him and you get dumped?  No - I know there are a lot of guys who aren't shallow and I happen to know one of those really well.  The thing is I don't want 'relationship pudge' - it is so pants (Bridget Jones style).

The remedy was to put on loose fitting PJ's and shout loud, 'I'm having a FAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently this is empowering for positive mind and spirit.  Well I am shouting out via my blog and yep I am wearing my PJ's (the irony is they have bloody cupcakes all over them - hardly motivating:( ), but still feel FAT :(.

Oh well - gonna wash the lettuce for tea.  Lettuce see what tomorrow brings;)

An ode to shy guy :)

M and K x

Shy Guy,

You're the thought that starts each morning
the conclusion to my day.
You are in everything I do
and everything I say.
You're the smile on my face
the glint in my eye.
You're the love inside my heart
and the brightness in my life.
You're the hand that locks with mine,
and the arm upon my back.
My love, my confidant, my friend,
the person on which I can always depend.
You're my silly, mature, caring
thoughtful, bright and honest guy.
The one who holds me tightly
when I need to cry.
You're my strength, my courage,
my support and my critique.
The guy that gives me butterflies,
with love that makes me weak.
You are all I've ever wanted.
You are all I need,
You are all I've ever dreamed of
You are all this to me!

It's my party ........................

Tonight is my party - yeah !!!!!!!!!!!!  No it's not my birthday.  I am celebrating a 'new era' of my life.

I've invited my friends (yeah I know that I aint gonna have invited strangers - well actually it's me so I prob would have lol).  Do you think though that hosts of parties are stupid.  I mean surely being a good host means you want your guests to have a good time.  Well if that was the case wouldn't be better to just send each 'guest' a bottle of champagne and a sexy guy/girl depending on their sexual orientation>just a thought;). 

Well I hope my 'guests' turn up tonight in town (weather is so rubbish here :( ). At every type of party there are two types of guests, ones that want to go home and ones that don't.  I aint worried about that - I know how to have fun up town.

I know it will be a great night 'cus

and my friends mean the world to me.  Part of the reason for tonight is to thank them all for all the support they have given me over the past 8months (they know why).

Anyway - I need to go and eat - apparently that way I am less likely to get wasted tonight and my party can't be a wasted event;)

SICK AND TIRED

It isn't enough that I seem to spend my days rushed off my feet and in a constant race against time to complete the list of never ending tasks, which I seem to lose over and over again.  No - 'someone' has decided I have nothing better to do in life and has found me another chore to complete - 'bug catching'.  I've caught a bug:(.  Following on from my last post - the vomiting has ceased and has now been replaced with nausea :(.  I feel so sick, hence being awake at 2a.m.

An old wives tale suggests drinking a potion of ginger cures nausea.  Now I know why they are 'old wives' - what guy would stay married to someone so 'witch like' to come up with such evil potions?  Mind you I reckon drinking that would make me vomit - so maybe the advice aint so bad but then again I'm not about to try it!

Earlier I had the feeling that the toilet disinfectant companies were sponsoring me as vomiting was the main event of my day.  Maybe that's why it is called bloody 'toilet duck'.  I mean they used to call a doctor a 'quack' (get it - duck, quack?).  Okay so that joke is pants lol but I am smiling (yeah I know I am sad to laugh at my own jokes).  Actually quackery is a derogatory term used to describe the promotion of unproven or fraudulent medical practices.  I reckon I've secretly seen a 'quack' and am suffering the after effects of their potions. 


I've gone for the kill or cure method and have made a strong black coffee.  If there is no further post - it killed me!  I start a new job in just over a weeks time.  I reckon I don't need it.  I can be the acting double for the incredible hulk, afterall I look green with nausea at the moment.  Do you reckon chameleons suffer with constant nausea - I mean they turn green frequently - don't they or are they naturally green?  Oh I have no idea lol but it is the middle of the night and I am ill (well that's my excuse for being thick);)

Well I'm not a chameleon and neither am I the hulk - just a girl whose feeling 'sick' and tired of feeling nauseous.  So I'm off to try and sleep it off - I've given up on the coffee - the smell was too much :(.

Thanksgiving - Taking the Pilgrim ;)

So yesterday was Thanksgiving (typically a US celebration).  I reckon Thanksgiving turkey is the only time the guys from LA see real breasts.  Last night I did the 'Thanksgiving Feast thing' - dug out my US flags and US flag napkins, made thanksgiving place settings, made an American feast and watched US tv shows.  I even wrote down some things I was thankful for.  Why?  Well apart from being sad, I am a US Wannabe.  No idea why - I reckon I am just programmed to be.

For the first time ever though I actually shared the evening with someone who was so nice to humour me and go along with the whole themed event.  Asked whether it was a good event, well I reckon he ate so much he had to let his bathrobe out and me - well my head was down the toilet and has been there on and off for the last 18 hours - so I am struggling to remember what the hell we are thankful for.  On Thanksgiving, Americans acknowledge their dependence - me I am dependent on the toilet bowl and him - loose fitting garments - well thats what we are now dependent on since deciding to be 'thankful'.

Maybe it's best to be bloody ungrateful.  Prior to being 'thankful' I had insides that didn't hurt and my head remained upright.  They reckon that nothing is more honourable than a grateful heart - I guess I aint a girl of honour 'cus right now I have ZERO gratitude especially where 'Thanksgiving' is concerned.

The Pilgrims were the first to celebrate thanksgiving in America, they arrived fleeing religious persecution in their native England (Proud to be English - NOT - hence the US wannabe ;) ).  Anyway - I feel like a Pilgrim right now - as I am sure being persecuted for something, as feel like I've been possessed by some stomach and gut eating zombie thing) - I know I wanted to celebrate the occasion but isn't that taking it a bit too far - reliving the history thing I mean.  Next I will be out sowing seeds for next years harvest.

Today is 'Black Friday' - I reckon I've defined the term - I sure aint out shopping - but maybe my US friends could call by the cleaning aisle in Walmart and pick me up some anti-bacterial toilet cleaner;).  No my black is more of the depressing black - or the death black - I sure don't feel alive.

Next year I am going to do it differently - celebrate like I imagine Albert Einstein to have done (well I am equally as intellectual ;) ).  Next year instead of being 'thankful' I am going to be 'thinkful'.  Let's see what that brings me - with my dangerous imagination - it doesn't bear thinking about lol.

Tired of being Funny;)

'I'm so tired it's not even funny' - I just caught myself thinking this but how stupid is that.  I mean why would  being tired ever be funny?  It's certainly not funny that I ache all over and haven't even the energy to lift a coffee cup nor that my eyelids feel like lead weight.  Tired and funny certainly aint two words that live together - gosh I think dumb things at times - do you reckon> ;)

Miss Understood !!!!!!!!!!!

The top ten things men know about women:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Says it all - I feel like I am so misunderstood - as all women are !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe it's 'cus I don't come with a manual - maybe I can create a 'K' manual - girls maybe this is the way forward - moaning and whining doesn't work - subtle approach - lol.  Well I have a few weeks before Christmas - I will make one for my Dad and bro lol - won't they be excited when they unwrap their pressie off me lol;)

A new Dawn

To one person - I am the NEW DAWN. 

A new Dawn, a new hope, a new me - well I hope those words are what the 'one' person thinks.  I guess I don't need to EXplain this to that person but felt I needed to put this message on my blog but please EXcuse this post if you don't understand it.

The only thing that bothers me is that I was brought up to believe that: 'the DAWN is not distant, nor is the night starless, love is eternal.'  If the DAWN is not distant then I am doomed and I certainly aint heading for new hope.  LOVE, ETERNAL and DAWN are three words that in my world shouldn't be put together.

Recently I've been taught how to rid negative thoughts by verbally telling them to go away.  So this is my message to DAWN:

Good in bed ;)

My friend telephoned today stressing.  She has a new partner and has planned to sleep with him tonight for the first time.  She's no virgin but is worried that she won't be as 'good' as his ex and will be a huge let down for him.

'Good in bed' - God how life changes - or how the words 'good' and 'bed' used in a sentence changes.  My Mom always said, 'Be a good girl and get to bed.' - Now it's, 'Be a good girl and get to bed - ALONE KAREN!'

I guess my friends worry is common for most girls.  I asked my ex about this when I was with him and he said that guys worry too.  I am the worlds worst worrier as most of you know and worry about worrying, and do worry about being inadequate in every way shape and form to his ex, so I can totally empathise with my friends stress but like I said to her, 'his ex is his ex for a reason!'

My friend asked me if I thought 'I was good in bed'.  What kind of bloody question is that.  If I say, 'yes' then that's bigging me up, if I say, 'no' then that doesn't sound good either.  Maybe I live in a different world to her but I don't bloody have a scoring system by my bed for guys to mark.  I did think I owed her an answer though so thought about it.

I decided that - I AM GOOD IN BED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or I can at the moment - recent insomnia seems to have passed.  She wasn't impressed with my answer but it's the kind of answer my Mom would like (as bed is just for SLEEPING in !!!!!!!!!!! - well it is in her head what she expects of her daughter (unless I am married!) lol ). 

I guess in reality whilst in bed - no guy has ever said to me, 'good girl - well done' - but then I am glad!  I aint a child - but if no guy has ever said 'good girl' after doing it, does that mean I am not good in bed? 

Isn't life complicated - or is it just me that decides to take a simple question, rip it apart and analyse it to death until I make myself sick with stress - lol (sounds like me).

I guess we are all good at something in bed - maybe you are good at snoring - but hey it's something you're good at.  Therefore be proud to be 'good in bed' - afterall like my friend, your friends probably won't define what they mean by 'are you good in bed' ;) lol

Dress shopping

When the boxes are gone
And I've cleaned up the mess
My fresh start will begin
At my new

AD

 xxxxxx

90 years young

It's my Nan's 90th birthday tomorrow so heading 'home' to celebrate at her huge party:).  They say you know you're getting older when the candles cost more than the cake - actually me lighting 90 candles - the expense would be enormous as I'm likely to cause a bloody inferno.  Shy guy warned me about the way I was holding a lit match the other day lol, apparently I don't hold it correctly - funnily I always thought burnt finger tips were the norm;)

Grandchildren are supposed to be a comfort to you in old age, I reckon I've bought on old age in my Nan - she has had too many years of me lol and then with my brother and cousin - gosh wasn't my Nan blessed - NOT! LOL

My Nan is doing so well - she has more energy and life than me and definately has all her marbles - I lost mine as a kid and never found them or replaced them;).  She does have wrinkles and I have none but her wrinkles are where her smiles have been - my Nan is always super smiley :).

Joking apart - I love my Nan very much and would like to wish her the bestest birthday ever!

A toast to my Nan:

Happy Birthday Nan - here's to a million more birthdays filled with smiles, love and hugs,

Love ya,

K.x

I am one in a million x

OMG - I am a cheat !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you all know my husband to be (in dream world is USHER) and a previous blog post tells of how I have tickets to see him live in Feb 2011.

Well today I got tickets to see the guy who sings that I am 'one in a million' - his way with words has won my heart. Yes I know I need a reality check and a trip back from dreamland but every girl needs a dream!   So I guess officially I am a cheat but the way I see this situation is:
'When I'm not near the guy
I lust after,
I lust after the guy I'm near.'
So for one night in March, Usher loses to Neyo.  As for getting caught, well there are plenty more fish in the sea and the net that catches me will help me catch another guy - Jason Derulo where are you;) lol :)

Why did the chicken ....... oh who the hell cares?

What on earth is going on with the world?  Even chickens can't cross the road without their motives being questioned.  What is that about?  Does it REALLY matter why the bloody chicken crossed the road?  No one asks why the cow or the pig or the elephant crossed the road - so what is it with interrogating the poor chicken?

Maybe I am unique but I've never seen a chicken cross a road and if I did - I aint about to ask it what the hell it thinks it's doing!

I think we should group together and ban the 'WHY DID THE CHICKEN' questions - I'm sure you wouldn't like being asked constantly why you were crossing the road.  I just find it all a little EGGstoardinary;)

My love is a drug

My name is K and I am addicted to COFFEE.  Yes I've finally admitted it, strong, black, unsweetened coffee is my weakness.  In fact I make it so strong that it even wakes my neighbours up;). I was completing a quiz the other day and one question asked whether I would be going to heaven or hell - well which place has java?  - that's the place I am heading - irrespective if I'm good or bad.  Actually I am angelic (or so they say) so I guess heaven is the place for me but hey - no java and my mood is hellish lol.

At work I seem to be making more and more cups of coffee - they don't realise that the reason is:

I had to have blood tests last week - I swear my blood is brown now - it's so bad.  Well Christmas is coming up - turkey season - so maybe I will go 'cold turkey' at the end of December - oops best take the coffee machine off my pressie wish list :(

x

Life is so sparkly;)

This evening I experienced HAPPINESS by achieving all 3 essentials.  I went to a firework display.  Yes you're probably thinking, 'God it doesn't take much to make her happy' ;) but seriously it covered all 3 areas:

1:  Something to do - well it was an event that I went to and thus 'something that I was doing'

2: Something to love - Sometimes love comes softly and other time it comes with fireworks.  To me the 'firework' connection sends the image of a love that is full of colour, makes your heart pound and your eyes sparkle and is full of awe and wow (just like a firework).  When love happens at a firework display, it is the most perfect love ever and it was clear that there were many happy couples out this evening caught up in romance;)

3: Something to hope for - have you ever wished upon a star?  I have and do it all the time.  The star shaped patterns that illuminated the sky gave the perfect opportunity to make those wishes and as the firework stars burned out, so was the wish carried off and hope floated away, (no I haven't been drinking lol - I am just a hopeless romantic who has experienced an enchanting evening that took me back to happy childhood memories).

I guess sometimes you have to acknowledge that the universe is a celebration and you are spectator contemplating the splendour and awe.

Well I had best get off for now and perform my own 'firework' duties, light up someones life and make them sparkle and whizz or knowing me I will be so explosive with chat that they wish I was tied to a rocket and orbiting far away from them;) lol

Black and White is clearly right?

I love my parents very much but today realised that they are awol from 'Pleasantville'.  For those of you who don't know, 'Pleasantville' is a thoroughly post-modern film. In fact, it is not just an expression of post-modern values, it champions post-modern values. It depicts people who hold to classical virtues as shallow, one-dimensional, two-colored, black and white, empty, abusive kinds of people. Pleasantville folks are the kind who get oppressive if their moral worldview is challenged by something really subversive, like sex--as if Christians have no healthy interest in sex, or art, or literature.

Neither parent is shallow nor empty or abusive but I hate to say, they are 'behind the times' in matters of 'guy meets girl' things.

I swear I have done the 'colored thing' to the extreme and am probably illuminating like a belisha beacon in their world.  I wouldn't mind but although not innocent by any means I am NOT a character of negative reputation.

Ironically we were the last in the street to obtain a colour tv - it figures as they love 'black and white' world - maybe this is why I am a 'black and white' thinker?  I clearly am a rainbow rebel - maybe my world is a bag of skittles - taste the rainbow and all that;)

Is popularity the way forward?

So rubbish - in 4 weeks time I am going to be jobless due to redundancy (any bosses reading this - I come with excellent references - well most people make the best of a bad job, me I make the best job bad;) ).

Anyway, pending drop in monetary funds got me thinking - 'If the cost of living is so high, why is it still popular?' I really just don't get life.  Why are so many of us conforming to popular fads?

Help me out with this one?

The Perfect Gift

This evening I was surprised with the most perfect gift ever.  I was given a compilation CD of music with songs that bore a connection to me.  No one has ever done anything like that for me before.  It made my day, evening, everything.

I guess at the moment this is the most perfect gift but for a girl that lives in a world in which she still believes in fairytales, she waits for THE most perfect gift:

Two clowns short of a circus

'Shy Guy' and I have totally different jobs but today both found out via sms that we were BORED at work.  Between you and I maybe 'shy guy's' shyness is detrimental to his fun at work - well there aint an excuse for me then as I'm never quiet.

Anyway - my solution was that we should both run away together and join the circus.  The response was something on the lines of, 'there's no need to join the circus when there's clowns like you around!'  Funny - NOT - what 'shy guy' doesn't realise is that the circus would welcome him as a 'trained seal'.

Afterall, isn't that what all guys are once girls happen to them;) lol

I don't know today a life under the big top seemed perfect but then maybe I am already living the circus life. I reckon I'd be a great juggler - afterall I currently juggle crisis after crisis so am already a bloody expert.  I've also had plenty of experience in getting the monkey off my back but then realising the circus aint left town so maybe and seem to spend most of the time with pie on my face.  Maybe therefore, work is my escape - or maybe its NOT the circus I should run away to but the convent instead;)

Amen;)

I run like a girl, so try to keep up!

Despite still suffering a foot injury, I've taken up running again to try and look good.  Yes I realise that it will take more than a run for that to be achieved but hey isn't exercise the poor persons plastic surgery?

I told my friend that I had started running again.  She said, K - your exercise is RUNNING your mouth, PUSHING your luck and JUMPING to conclusions - charming - NOT;).  The thing is although I hate running - the gym is so not my thing as I don't like being surrounded by dumb bells, especially the male kind.  On saying that running is a mental sport and I guess I am a little insane (a little I said !!!!!!!!!! ).

One positive thing about running though is runners make the best girlfriends - catch me if you can;)

Typical Guy

Clearly written by a guy.  I am going to need to attend interviews soon - interviews definately = new wardrobe, so in Henrys head that clearly isnt the right thing to do - he obviously hasn't attended interviews but then he was an anarchist so probably considered them undesirable and unnecessary!

I guess it goes for weddings, a bride is supposed to wear what?  I mean if a bride should beware of marriage because it involves new clothes then what should she put on?  I'd be more worried about how much the divorce will cost than the new dress she is wearing;)

Seriously - some quotes are total pants - this one is a prime example.  Clearly this guy had a limited wardrobe of clothing.  Imagine dating him, parties would be a dread as no new outfit would be permitted. 

Well I am gonna buy a new interview outfit.  If I feel confident in what I am wearing then I am sure that anything old Henry throws at me, I can deal with - afterall, its allbecauseiamagirl x