FAT DAY

I woke up this morning feeling down and consumed with that familiar dread.  My legs felt all squishy and big; nothing fit right; my proportions were totally off…I knew that feeling.  I’d felt it before.  Today was a fat day.

Today every time I look in the mirror, it makes me sick. I can't remember when I haven't hated the way I looked, and it seems to get worse as I get older. Everything about my body shape is wrong. I feel like such a fat cow, and no one can convince me otherwise. All I want to do is look like all the beautiful girls I see out there. 

In reality I am not huge and can fit in clothes for 11year olds but that makes no difference when my mirror plays a battle of wills with me.  'Mirror Mirror on the wall' - I was never much for Snow White - afterall snow aint white - so why should I believe anything THAT fairytale tells me?  I would like to know where she bought her mirror from though as mine is the evil version.  I guess bargains don't always work out;).  If it wasn't for the fact that breaking the mirror would give me 7 years bad luck, and hey up until now my life aint been lucky so I was kinda hoping for good luck now, I'd smash the bloody thing.

I can do the 'bad hair day' thing but not the 'fat day' thing.  I've just read an article which says that being in a relationship can make you fat.  Christ - are girls not supposed to be happy?  Apparently - the theory goes a bit like this:
You’ve been seeing him for a few months now, and everything’s going great. You feel so comfortable with him. But then you notice something that’s not so comfortable – i.e., the waistband of your sexiest jeans.
It’s official! You’re a victim of relationship pudge!
Is this where you then become a huge disappointment to him and you get dumped?  No - I know there are a lot of guys who aren't shallow and I happen to know one of those really well.  The thing is I don't want 'relationship pudge' - it is so pants (Bridget Jones style).

The remedy was to put on loose fitting PJ's and shout loud, 'I'm having a FAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently this is empowering for positive mind and spirit.  Well I am shouting out via my blog and yep I am wearing my PJ's (the irony is they have bloody cupcakes all over them - hardly motivating:( ), but still feel FAT :(.

Oh well - gonna wash the lettuce for tea.  Lettuce see what tomorrow brings;)