Let me cross the road in peace:)

I know my maths skills are pants but I hate it when people put 2+2 together and make 5, especially when their thoughts are directed at what they presume I  am thinking or doing.  'Guilty' of no crime is often what I am punished for and it seems to continue.  wHEN you decide things about me, please use facts and not EGGzamples of preconceived ideas that spring into your mind.  I am too nice to tell you to 'CLUCK off' but I hate being judged and wrongly accused.

Please ask me, rather than pre-judge me:)

K in smurfdom

Just lately I've been feeling 'blue' so decided to catch up with my blue buddies.  Afterall, they reckon that when you are feeling 'down' you should spend time with buddies:), so therefore time in Smurfdom is perfect therapy, them being blue and that:)

According to http://bluebuddies.com/smurf_fun/smurf_personality_test/smurf_personality_test.htm, I am the smurf below - my friends would totally agree with this.






Girlies tend to 'eat' choccie and cake when feeling 'down' and smurfs understand that:

as only true friends can.  I reckon Smurfdom would be the perfect place for me as I am a total goody-goody;)  I may not eat cake but I reckon I'd look cool in the white hat - afterall,

you can't deny my sexy smile in K style (well there is one person that can't) - he wouldn't cope in Smurfdom though as lives in Mario land:)

Have you seen the film, 'Pleasantville':

in which the residents change from black and white to colour when they violate 'paint rules'.  I kinda reckon that if 'shy guy' came to Smurdom when I was there, I wouldn't stay 'blue' for long and instead would be rainbow coloured - I'll leave you to work out why;) lol

EXplanation

Okay - so it was last night and I was feeling alright - all ready to pop lock and drop down town with my hip-hop posse (ok so caught a cab and the 'posse' was just one cool dancer).  Then whilst out, trying to make a good impression with new friends (despite practically accusing the cab driver of plotting to blow me up - don't ask), along come the EX-GIRLFRIEND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The initial contact that is supposed to be intimidating and make me feel guilty and poke her in the eye with accuracy and menace like an EXocet missile, and hop the nearest fence didn't happen. I know it was halloween but the scary glances and the witches covern that was going on amongst her group of friends clearly aimed my way was like 'so mote it be !!!!!!!!!! (to my super bessie friend who knows what that means lol!  I didn't react.

Why? 'allbecauseiamagirl' - I set an EXample of how girlies should behave and so EXcluded her from my thoughts.  My niceness was EXceptional and at the end of the day I was out to have a blast and it was not going to be me making the first EXit.

The night proceeded and I had the best time ever with no EXplosions from the covern of hubble, bubble and trouble and left EX-hausted or did she leave EX-hausted as her relationship has clearly - EXPIRED !!!!!!!!!!!

My Perfect Match

Lighting a candle successfully is an important skill that can easily be exercised with care to ensure safety. You can reduce the risks associated with lighting a candle by observing some basic precautions when lighting candles.

1

Obtain a box of safety matches. These matches are longer than ordinary matches and will reduce the risk of burning yourself.

Okay - as usual I may know what I am supposed to do but clearly have a problem with 'rules'. I am currently playing a great game of burn my fingers with a naked flame, in a poor attempt at lighting the candles in my home.  It doesn't matter how I hold the match, the flame is ALWAYS on a mission to inflict pain on me as it creeps up the wood faster than lightening toward my skin.

Candles are supposed to be relaxing.  Yeah right - I am super stressed and in agony at just lighting them.  I do have a fancy gas propelled, candle lighter but no, I make it my mission to have a daily battle with a naked flame.

I curse and swear under my breath and of course it is ALWAYS the fault of the 'match', never me.  However, on Saturday evening, a smug guy took pleasure in the thing that guys do so well, 'try and look better than us girls'.  I was subjected to the patronising, "see this is how you light a candle" spiel.  I wouldn't have minded but his candles were lit in seconds in a graceful display of finger control and minus the, 'ow - shit -' that happens when I attempt to light a candle.  Then, as only guys can, he proceeded to tell me that I needed 'safety matches' with long handles and I would have my 'perfect match'.

You see my idea of a 'perfect match' clearly aint his, mine is the guy meets girl kind.  My Mom (yes my poor Mom is mentioned again - for her great wisdom she imparts on me) always said, 'The best way to find your perfect match is to meet love halfway.'  There you go, that's why I use short matches, ('half'way to perfect)!  See this guy clearly doesnt know anything - to ignite the perfect 'flame' you need to meet 'half-way' and the shorter the distance, the nearer you are to the goal.

I guess in life my inner flame has recently died - well that is until I met some new friends, including 'flame' guy and an encounter with these people has rekindled my inner spirit.  So maybe that is the 'perfect match' - the person that can take my inner light and blow it into a flame and not the wooden spill type.  Hopefully there will be less chance of my uttering, 'ouch' and 'shit' with this ''perfect match'.  As for the candles, well maybe I'm after a different flame;)

Falling from Angel Ridge

Some people say that I am an ANGEL 'cus I walk softly and carry a big prescence and that the world is a heavenly place with me in it.  (Yes I do pay people to say such stuff about me;) ).

To be fair, I do make a career of being 'nice' and have perfected it.  However:

today I am officially a 'FALLEN ANGEL'.  I've been led astray and have deviated from my 'angelic' duties and yes I've fallen, hence the sore butt.  Ironically the person that has caused this deviation lives in a  development called, 'Angel Ridge!'

It is said that it is better to keep someone from falling than to help them up.  Well this person did neither and the fall was literally like being pushed off a high ridge with a huge drop below.  I reckon thats why this person lives in such a place and is probably secretly the 'devil'.

Me, Im still an 'angel', the horns are there to keep my halo fixed in place;).  My crime though was to tell a lie, something I just don't do.  The only reason I can give for my moment of weakness is that maybe after spending some time with this person, their own ability to tell 'lies' has rubbed off on me.  Okay, so this person ;doesn't tell huge lies, just makes believe they are something when they are clearly not;)

So I guess the question is: 'If I am unhappy with this 'corruption' then why don't I refrain from being around this person?'  Well that's easy - this person is really nice (but they won't be told this by me - their head would swell and then their 'horns' would explode, and with my OCD, I aint clearing up the bloody mess!).  Also, it is said: “Let the devil catch you but by a single hair, and you are his forever” - I am shaving my head this minute 'cus maybe I am 'falling' in a good way and maybe the landing just may be perfect - and also, maybe even the best of 'angels' are entitled to a vacation;)

Shy Guy - OR NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who have no idea, the above image is a 'Shy Guy' from 'Super Mario' fame.  Shy Guys are timid troublemakers known for their robes and masks.

Yesterday I met a 'shy guy' or shall I translate, a guy who claimed he was shy.  Clearly this guy either owned a faulty dictionary or was slightly deluded (no - the delusion came after contact with me) as his definition of the word 'shy' clearly isn't mine.  Yet throughout our meeting, he continued to claim he was 'shy', despite displaying more confidence than most!

Part the way  through his spiel of being 'shy' of  which I did tell him were blatant 'lies', I was beginning to wish he was a 'coconut shy' so I could at least throw something at him each time he said he was shy as he clearly must have thought I'd just come off the last banana boat (NO COMMENTS TO THAT !!!!!!!!!lol)

However I did think of the 'Shy Guy' in Super Mario and decided he may well be a timid troublemaker, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.  I mean, I believe I am the next Mrs. Usher Raymond, so I guess he can pretend to be the 'Shy Guy' - afterall we all wear a 'mask' at times (actually if he had worn a mask of Usher's face, then I could've forgiven for anything lol)

Me - now I AM GENUINELY shy, but in my case:

So as for the true meaning of 'shyness', I reckon there is one definition for girls and one for guys - lol;).  Well maybe there is just one definition and maybe it's true that people are confident with familiarity but I aint gonna let this guy know that - I am instead make sure he knows that he lied about being shy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! afterall, it's 'allbecauseiamagirl' ;)

The Perfect Mistake

I have 'perfectionism' which is an all pervasive attitude that whatever I attempt in life must be done letter perfect with no deviation, mistakes, slip-ups or inconsistencies.  Although this can be seen as a weakness, it can be a strength too, such as in the following:

Okay - so I don't like making mistakes but hey, if I strive to exceed my abilities each time as perfectionists do, and need there to be no slip-ups to ensure that everything I do is done right, then I am gonna have such fun making the perfect mistakes.  Now I need to find some quote that gets me out of trouble for all the mistakes I make;)

Suggestions welcome:)

An apple a day keeps K away:)

I hate apples.  I've never liked them.  My parents still make it their mission to quote 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away' as they devour through an endless crop that grows in their fruit bowl.  The truth is they aint trying to keep the doctor away - I've worked out my parents are trying to keep me away!!!!!!!!!!!

Well bless 'em I aint gonna tell them it's not gonna work - that way they eat all the apples so I don't have to - win win situation;) lol

PROZAC FOR WEATHER:)

I've decided that it is no wonder many British people feel 'under the weather'. They literally are. The weather suffers with 'depression' so there really is not much hope for us.

Changeable weather is a feature of British weather, depressions are responsible for much of this. In Britain, most depressions cross the country from west to east, starting in the Atlantic Ocean. As a depression passes there are distinct changes in weather conditions. Air moves in clockwise and anti-clockwise whirls like water in a rocky stream. These whirls move around warm and cold air in the form of air masses. (with uniform temperature and humidity characteristics often from the region in which they formed). Fronts develop at the boundaries of the air masses because masses of air at different temperatures do not mix but move up and over each other.

My answer is to put prozac into the atmosphere to benefit both the weather and us, God I could so be a scientist - NOT ;) LOL

Everyday is like Sunday or not?

Just been ploughing through my record collection. I guess each track is a memory of my past in some way or another. Amongst the masses of tracks (music is my life lol) I found 'Everyday is like Sunday' by Morrissey.

I remember buying this and feeling so cool, such a rebel to have Morrissey in my collection lol. I looked at the record just though and my first thought was, 'WTF - clearly this guy doesn't go to work - if everyday is like Sunday to him then he most definately hasn't got a job as my Monday-Fridays are NOT like my Sundays at all.

Sundays are fun, a time to rest or play - so what the hell was he singing about? 'Everyday is silent and grey' - well I get the grey bit as English skies are normally grey, but silent? He clearly hasn't met me - I talk for England and am never quiet.

I do still like this track I have to admit but realistically the lyrics are a bit pants - maybe he has been spending too much time 'trudging over wet sand' and it's messed his mind up - bless him.

Well you make up your own minds - is he mad or is it me?

Ouch - have you tried sleeping with a broken heart?

So I still can't sleep:( but I've now realised the problem, 'Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?'  God, every time I roll over the sharp edges pierce in me - and I yell. 'ow, ow' (or maybe I am just having a nightmare).  Sharing a bed with that aint my idea of a fun night:)

Well Alicia Keys made her money singing about sleeping with a broken heart - me, I lost money -buying new sheets from the blood stains caused by  the pierced skin that the broken heart shards inflicted on me.  Alicia was obviously the lucky girl ,so I have no idea why she's droning on about being broken-hearted (yes I love the song too) - she got something out of it (money)!

Anyway - I need something to mend my heart and then maybe I can sleep!  Any suggestions?;)

The perfect death

Oops I reckon I've got it wrong and this time can't blame my Mom !!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My diet consists mainly of 'natural foods'.  The reason I eat such food is to promote good health (well that's what the marketing is telling me).  I rarely eat anything that is considered 'unhealthy' and to be honest I really do love lettuce and such stuff.  I guess I am just really into the 'natural stuff'.

So I guess you're wondering why this is wrong?  Well many of you probably think I am missing out on lush treats like cakes, crisps, burgers etc. and maybe I am but that's not why I reckon I have it wrong.  I have just read an article (I so need to stop surfing the bloody net).  Anyway this article stated that most persons DIE from NATURAL causes, hence me clearly getting my diet wrong - the 'natural' stuff is clearly NOT a positive thing.

What am I to believe - people choke on nuts and die and nuts are natural, but then have you heard of 'death by chocolate'?  What the hell am I supposed to eat?  The answer - my Cadbury's wholenut bar that's chilling in the fridge, the perfect blend of chocolate and nuts - a perfect death :)

Catastrophe/Catastrophising theory :) the most boring posting on my blog yet:)

Earlier today I was told that my talents lie in my creative skills.  I am apparently am creative in all aspects of the term.  On hearing this I felt quite proud.  Talent and skills were never words my teachers seemed to forward my way when I was at school.  So anyway my day started with a huge smile plastered across my face.  However, every bubble has to burst and mine did when I stumbled across Erik Zeeman!

No Erik Zeeman is not my nemesis (not yet that is) and I've never met him in person as to be honest I've no idea if he's alive or dead (sorry Erik).  So what am I waffling on about you're wondering?  I will tell you.

'Technical skill is mastery of complexity while creativity is mastery of simplicity.'

— Erik Christopher Zeeman

If you've read my earlier posts then you'll know that maths is not a strong point of mine and maybe my interpretation of the above is a prime example of 1+1=3 but even so.  If creativity is a mastery of simplicity, am I simple?  Are 'technical' minded people better than the 'creative' minded.  Just because Mr. Zeeman is a bloody mathematician, does he need to make that asumption.  I am guessing he's created some theory to explain the above and given 'creative' people some equation or symbol.  Actually, with regard to his theories, he is apparently known for the 'Catastrophe theory' (I don't really care or want to know what the hell that is about) but I will tell you my own thoughts.

I reckon the above quote must be linked to the catastrophe theory 'cus yeah I've prob catastrophised the whole thing, but I've gone from having talent to being simple in seconds - so a bloody catastrophe.  Anyway, slightly peed, I went off to make a coffee.  Mr.  Zeeman was at that point close to becoming my nemesis - I needed to chill.

I went into autopilot with my coffee machine (a Barista would be so proud) and then lovingly formed a pattern on top with the vast amount of toppings and sprinkles I have.  Then I realised - the simple act of making my coffee was both a technical skill (operating the coffee machine) and a creative skill (decorating the coffee).  With a smile on my face, I slumped myself on the sofa, and bellowed:

'I am a master of complexity and simplicity'.  Okay my skills and talents may never make me well-known and famous but who cares, I can make coffee - and it's a pretty good cup too:). 

So Mr. Zeeman - next time you decide to put your name to something you've said and call it a quote, remember the effect they may have, but know also that this multi-talented girl won't let you shoot her down !!!!!!!!!!!!  'cus the best things in life are 'simple' and 'true' - and I am the best;)

Just a jerk at the end of a line

No this isn't a post about there being plenty more fish in the sea.  Seriously, I would be chatting about that subject forever;).  I was 'caught' out yesterday.  I was being the 'fisherwoman'.  No I wasn't on some river bank or side of a canal with a rod.  In real terms of fishing, with fish as the reward, I've no interest whatsoever. I also wasn't using flirting techniques as a 'bait' to 'reel' in a guy.  I was however 'fishing' for information.  In other words I was trying to obtain information from someone.  Okay so that in itself isn't a crime and is a useful skill in many profession. The problem is that when I 'fish' I 'beat around the bush' (God 'fishing' and 'bush' - anyone would think I was nature obsessed or had a perverse mind (leave that to you to work out;) ), in other words I painfully spend ages creating a whirlwind of verbal waffle, talking indirectly and not stating exactly what I mean, hoping that the other party will cotton on to what I am trying to ask and just bloody answer.

Well the person I was trying to 'fish' information from saw right through this and refused point blank to go along with it, requesting I be direct.  I was hoping that they'd fall for my waffle 'hook', 'line' and 'sinker', but no that didn't happen.  So I then proceeded to painfully spend another hour, trying to dismiss that I had been 'fishing' and failing miserably.  I guess 'fish' can relate to this, but I really had to 'squirm'to get off the 'hook'.  The sad fact was, I was still non the wiser and had no answer to my original question (the one I couldn't ask).

Vincent Van Goch said, “The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore”.  That is so me.  I know I am going to end up drowning but the danger of that still isn't enough to stop me from fishing.  It has also been said (no idea whom by, but I've heard it) that a fisherman is 'a jerk at the end of the line' - that's more apt for me.  I guess 'a 'reel' expert can 'tackle' anything' and I clearly have a long way to go on that score.

Well the final outcome was that I was advised by this person to, 'get 'reel' and get my 'bass' into gear and just be direct.  If it was that easy I'd have done this at the start.  Well I've decided that good things come to those who 'bait', and I'm hoping that my 'fishes' come true and I find some way of finding out the answer to the question I so want to ask, but am okay, scared to.  In the meantime I have resigned myself to the fact that I'd chosen to 'lure' the best and failed miserably.  I guess the person saw something 'fishy' in what I was doing and refused to take the 'bait'.

I guess I reckon I need to probably give up the 'fishing hobby' as I am no 'fisherman/woman'.  The reality is that I'm more like the bloody fish and like the fish I get into trouble when I open my mouth!

I'm smarter than the average girl;)

Aren't picnics so wonderful?

I swear I was brainwashed as a child (again I am blaming my Mom for the stories she used to read to me).  Today I can still lay my hands on a beloved childhood book called 'Teddy Bear's Picnic'.  As I grew older the 'When you go down in the woods today, you'll be sure of a big surprise' took on a whole new meaning, but I'll leave that to your imaginations;).  I guess my good girl image went out of the window when my Mom (yes bless her;)  ) introduced me to a new concept of "pick-a-nics" sitting me in front of the tv watching, Yogi Bear.  To this day I am such a Yogi Bear fan.

For those of you who may be having Yogi withdrawal symptoms, check out this vid, but in true 'K' style, hip-hop style:)




Well on a serious note, picnics have always had a special place in my heart, and I have such wonderful childhood memories of picnics with my parents and brother and still love nothing more.  My dream is to have a picnic overlooking 'The Golden Gate Bridge', for me that would be the most amazing picnic ever and heads my 'bucket list'.  I just need my very own, 'Boo Boo' to do it with, and as every hip-hop fan will know these days the term, 'Boo' refers to boyfriend/girlfriend - me I'm hoping my picnic is with the guy of my dreams.  Though the way my 'love-story' reads - my 'Boo' is usually a 'Boo-Boo'(mistake).

Well Yogi always says, ("I'm smarter than the average bear!"), so maybe I need to get smarter than the average girl to achieve my dreams.  Until then I'll keep my homespun cloth and smile waiting in anticipation for my next picnic:)

Impedements

I have a speech impedement - Every now and then I stop to breathe;).  If there were competitions for the amount of words you could expel in a day, I'd win.  Basically - I never shut up.  I talk non-stop, fidget non-stop and am every guys worst nightmare.

Apparently there is never a dull moment when I'm around - clearly all my friends have hearing impedements 'cus the majority of my chat is pure waffle.  I leave guys heads spinning which most girls dream of, only these aren't the reasons every girl dreams of.

A date with me is a permanent migraine, hit by a tornado of waffle - but a smart guy will know that I can be kept quiet, he just needs to kiss me.  So maybe I chat incessantly for a reason;).  Well I always carry headache pills - see how kind am I, protecting the world from me lol.

I guess if you aren't planning on kissing me, invest in in ear earphones incase you meet up with me;)

Don't be afraid to dance

Those who know me will know that I love music and dance and those tend to go in unison where I am concerned.  My feet tend to take on their own agenda at any beat my ears hear.  In some ways my life is very much like a dance, sometimes I lead and sometimes I follow.  I have slowly learned that life is better left to chance - yes I may have missed the pain, but equally I would have missed the dance.

Today I took a chance (on being happy).  I could've bottled it and decided against the option but I didn't.  I am so so glad 'cus I got the dance, the dance that makes you smile from the tip of your toes to the top of your head.  The rhyhm in my head now is super smiley and one that opens all your senses and makes you feel alive.

Life is a dance - never be afraid of your moves, and never avoid chances out of fear of not being able to dance - dancing comes from the heart, feet follow that rhythm:)